Turns out, I wasnt able to turn them in, except like 3 of about 12. I feel sorry for my mom because she doesnt not know how to an almost 40 year old son who wont make an effort to better himself. There would be no innovation, no technological advancements no advancements in any field for that matter. can someone tell me what I can do. Remember that you cant change or control other people, you can at best influence them. Let me through out a few office examples about listening: For example #1, if a help call is missed, and I tell the employee to call them back, the employee does not listen. While its working for him, theres no motivation for him to change. It sounds like an uncomfortable situation for you, and Im really sorry that youre experiencing that. These people are truly self-centered. Yes, we are human and tend to be moody but as we grow and mature hopefully we are learning more and more about how to live peacefully with each other. Perhaps these experiences are just the tip of the iceberg of other things that have gone on beforehand and the reason why they seem to be staying with this acute grief and anger. There are occasions when you can almost forgive your listeners deliberate obtuseness or selective hearing. Or upon request for assistance, her son will explain what he needs in order to help her and advises her the best way possible to solve the problem and explains what the results will be if she tries to veer from very specific solutions and do it a different way and she does it the one way that has the worst repercussions, thus pleading again to be rescued from her circumstances. One thought is to seek clarity around what you will and will not accept in this situation and communicate that. Rant over lol Im currently taking care of my 16 year old niece and my older sister thats disabled. now I understand the migraine issue. Married to husband of 26, I am 33 by the way. Weve found resources for her based on her income and accessable to her so she can have some more independence in her life but she refuses to listen or be accepting to utilizing such services. I offered for him to go see a doctor about his weight issues and the only thing he says is that Im just trying to control his life and intimidate him into going out to see a doctor. However, since we have no control over other people, by focusing on ourselves and how we deliver our message, we have a greater chance of engaging with them. I might just add that the older the child gets the more difficult it becomes to change the situation and professional intervention is the safest route to go.) Yet, there comes a time where it is detrimental to remain closed off and one-track minded. He is always explaining how I should do something and I never do it his way, he says im always questioning him at things he is an expert at. Thanks Becky for sharing your thoughts. Im very sorry to hear that youre going through a really tough time right now. I unfortunately got stuck in the middle with her and her boyfriend since Ive become friends with both of them, and many people come to me for advice (comes with the territory as a hairstylist for some reason.. lol) The problem is, after talking at all ends with both of them, of course both of them made mistakes, but she blames him for everything and doesnt see that her frantic, desperate, often irrational and downright upset outbursts are the main cause of all of it. For example, management sees no point in firing an employee if they harass females or make racist comments in the office. Covid19 has the economy in the hole. It might be that I am a tall women and he is a short man ( possibly a cultural clash as well)The problem is that I cant sleep at night out of fear it is leaking again through my spotlights as the problem isnt fixed. It is also great that she has been able to receive good help. Listening mindfully is something we all need to practice all the time. Ill take any good advice I can find at this point because I miss my happy, funny, peppy friend and I wish she would come back from this.. and soon. When we make simple instructions eg; please leave the kitchen while were cooking or please leave our valuables and toys at home, theyre not for school, please go brush your teeth and come show me you did it ect. One thought is to write them a letter and share your thoughts, views and feelings on the situation. Hi Im having some serious relationship problems with my boyfriend of 1yr. Enough said. Its difficult for me to know what he interprets.. another example my son has 2 jackets. Hi Katie, Thank you for sharing your experiences and I am sorry to hear the challenges you face. Some people dont take advice. When someone speaks, non-stop, where we can not get a word in edgewise, it is frustrating and annoying. To the people posting about their abusive family members, narcissism is rife in our culture. It also sounds if he has quite a lot of victim baggage if he blames everything and everybody for where he is at. This could happen in a 5 second period of speaking I had a difficult client today and I wanted to Theyre leaning back in the seat and closing their eyes They just passive aggressively drop you. This may work in sports where there is a lot of coverage but in the corporate world its about survival. I am in different situation when my family members listen to me partially. Every time I do talk, there someone always trying to talk, and I let them talk. This is a difficult situation. The brain hates danger, and will do everything it can to keep you safe from physical and mental harm (which may occur through social outcasting). These are the people whos attention starts to drift away (they may even yawn) as soon as you start talking about yourself in a way that doesnt involve them or their interests. Hi Meena, Which strategies in the post do you think you might try out? My family doesnt listen to me at all even when I get there attention. 
I have told her to take this time to look inside herself, and help herself heal since she has had such a hard year and she holds all of this like a giant bag of boulders on her shoulders. In the Beginning. It might be worth thinking about why your sister is not listening when you are trying to help her. Regarding the professional situation with the couple who have been brought into the business by the new owners. This seems more like a trust issue, why assign work if they wont trust your judgement? And people treated me so lowthe struggle i went through the things i do if it is done by me they think its easy they took it lightly and if it done by them they talk as if they did something so huge and will go on to talk like Ive never done it My dad has depression, and I think this makes him not listen sometimes (I know because I am also guilty of this sometimes). Since she is like this and seems to become defensive, I wonder what would help you to be able to more easily let go and accept that she is like that. Youre enough as you are. It is not like he acts this way to everybody, he is always overly eager to agree with others, but with me, he has to oppose. Its strange. Of course your brother is resisting change, because his situation is working for him at the moment. Thanks for sharing Romano. He said he wont try to make it work or listen because he doesnt want to! He asks me a question, I respond, while making eye contact 3 feet away, and hell just keep asking the question, or adding more onto it, as if I didnt respond at all. our marks were ok as we cheated on exams. The byproduct of that is often conflict. Well done to you both! I remember being 16 and confidently dismissing my fathers opinion that there were less perilous ways of cleaning the chain of my motorbike than by holding an oiled rag around it with one hand while releasing the clutch with the other. I am sorry to hear about your friend and I know well that place of wanting to help someone who does not yet seem ready for help. I can then try your approach to ask them an open ended question about if its courteous to call them back. One thought is to have a conversation with the friend about how much you miss them (like you shared above) while acknowledging that they have gone through challenging times. The best that can happen, is that you both learn something new. Perhaps the next time it happens, you could ask questions to find out more about the reason they are saying what they are saying. She CAN NOT let it go, find peace or move on. I asked him to get oats flakes from the shop which we have it at home. From what youve said, people seem to listen and focus on what you say at work, but this pattern doesnt cross over into other spaces. Sorry to hear that your communication issues are causing serious relationship problems. Id like to know how I can find out in what circumstances he is listening and refusing to comply or if it may be a working memory issue or inattentiveness. Sorry to hear about the situation with your boss. Even though I told them to set an alarm to remind themselves and purchased a weekly pill dispenser for them. It seems like they have not coped well in the situation and although dealing with things as best they can, it is still difficult for you. Additionally, have you ever considered seeking professional help to support you in developing strategies to navigate the situation? The female in the situation seems to understand once I visually show here a task several times, however while training her husband, whom speaks more fluent English often walks away from me when Im instructing him how to perform certain tasks hes requested help with, or even after showing him a task and asking if he understood he will say he does and show me he does but then refuse to do it again when the opportunity arises and asks for assistance. Is this something youll be able to talk to her about (in private)? We were getting along very well when I moved to his place, but he discovered I liked his place more than our home where my parents live he started leaving every work in the house for me to do if I try to resist to do the work, he usually threatens me that i will have to pack and go back home, Hi John, I should mention also that its been a year since they broke up, and over a year since her friend passed away and she still talks about it and cries about it or gets angry about it to this day, every time I speak with her. (We have been friends for 3yrs before we decided to get together). I try to make sure she is doing okay, always. I know it hurts my mom when him and I argue about these issues but honestly I feel she is part of the problem and I dont know whether or not to just clean my hands up with my brother and just give up and stay away. Im very scared now. The only other way I know people are listening is when Im at work and Im armed strangly people are very focused on what Im saying when Im holding a rifle. He wont help my mom for anything. Coach, More from Steanne | Health Coach, Strength & Cond. I try to talk it out but they wont listen or wont even let me talk to them. I wish I could have a cup of coffee with you right now and just help you through a tough moment! Help. This process has been tough and I remind myself that I (and they) are all doing the best we can. 15 years is impressive. *Source: Google Analytics Annual User Count, based on average performance for years 2017 to 2019. What is the gain or benefit for this person to stay stuck? Im so confused and tired of the arguments. There is no greater gift a person could give me than to truly hear me. and I dont think weve completely gotten over it yet but were working on it. we try to talk to her about something serious and she turns it around back on her. I do not understand why is he like that. It kept moving away as I approached hoping to remove the rope snagged by its horns. They hear everything told to them, retain the information but dont want to follow a suggestion or a command. My mom seems every conversation! @yorkshireot suggested, Seek first to understand, then be understood. It was a view echoed by @richardwnewton, who wrote, 1.Get to know the person & understand why 2. I cant put a foot right, despite being one of the senior people there. Why waste your time with a human being who is broken, stubborn, toxic or incapable of a relationship that matters? Maybe theyll see a someone getting harassed but look the other way, if someone taught them to stand up maybe they might save someones life. Have you ever considered comparing your body language, positioning, and distance while at work with those other spaces? Ive had already told my mother my plans and situation but I guess she didnt listen to me. Hi Maria, They miss all the other information and then go onto the attack. no shes not deaf she just doesnt want to see anyone elses point of view except her own. If i dont remind them to see if they will do it on their own, on many occasions they claim that they forgot. What Ive seen in similar cases in the past is that the overweight person is very good at manipulating those around them to do what they want them to do. Great article. Im afraid to tell our parents as my sister might snitch on me back. Does this stem from past relationships where men showed/explaned how to do something or what i should do & it never worked out that way? In stereotyping men, some can be guilty of this. 
Its not personal. He puts every excuse in the world and blames everybody and everything for the way he lives his life. If something as simple as colour can draw a divide among people and how they see things, imagine the multiple perspectives that come from peoples traditions, personal experiences, and free will to choose what they believe in (or not). What should I do? Yoland, Mind Tools Team. If you constantly feel unheard, its going to cause a lot of stress and tension. They apologize. I thought iam the problem guess i am a push over but u dont know how to solve these things i want them to respect me , listen to me , take me seriously.. Just getting it off my chest makes me feel better. I can identify! I told him that is problem is draining me. Where do such people come from? Explain in different way 3. I sincerely hope youll find the right help in your area. Until one of you were able to explain in a way, that the other could understand, whilst the other was able to adjust their outlook temporarily, to see where you were coming from. People dont like to hold or leave voice messages and my employees dont want to call them back. Someone posts about an unpopular opinion, and people will be so emotionally charged that they are triggered by a small, irrelevant and insignificant point that was written in the entire paragraph. You can use the search function (in the upper right hand corner with a magnifying glass icon) to see what comes up. It can be tough when you want to talk and the other person does not. She gets a little insulted when I do that, but there is no point in having a conversation with someone who is half listening, at bestthen gets angry with you when you become frustrated over their repeated nonchalant attitude regarding details they state conversations. This is essentially the world I grew up in, and it causes the person to want to seek people OUTSIDE OF FAMILY to talk to and make connections, and even THAT isnt exactly easy at times, because it seems that most people dont want to listen because they only care about themselves, which reverts back to hyper-selfishness, especially in our current generation. Additionally, do you have someone at your school that you can talk to like a guidance counsellor? My second situation is employment, Im the assistant manager for a store that has recently changed hands, the new owners have chosen to bring 2 relatives on board to help us out, they are a couple and both have strong language barriers that make it difficult to gauge whether they a) understand what I said and b) may not be able to communicate they do not. Do you think that explaining the importance and benefits of what you are doing with them might help to engage them? One thing I have had to learn in my life is to let go of my need to tell people what to do or what is best for them, in effect, trying to control them. Its purely frustrating when I say something concise and clearly and they come back with a non thought out answer thats contrary or down right inane to the topic. Community living is harmonious when each member is trying to show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. You might also consider seeking professional help to assist you both in communicating more effectively. I too find it irritating when people continue to chat while someone is presenting, like on a tour or an important presentation. I know this because sometimes shell ask me what? and when I dont answer, she responds to what I said. This is so frustrating. We have many resources on our website that deal with communication difficulties that you could get some ideas and strategies. Coach. I give advice he gets upset and starts his fighting which cause me to fight back and it just turns into an argument, and this happens a lot. He has a very defined routine as well so I feel like at some point he should be able to remember what weve said. She just let go of one problem. This person was supposedly lazy, and not doing their job, even though the rest of us could see that the work was being done properly (or else we couldnt work).
I have told her to take this time to look inside herself, and help herself heal since she has had such a hard year and she holds all of this like a giant bag of boulders on her shoulders. In the Beginning. It might be worth thinking about why your sister is not listening when you are trying to help her. Regarding the professional situation with the couple who have been brought into the business by the new owners. This seems more like a trust issue, why assign work if they wont trust your judgement? And people treated me so lowthe struggle i went through the things i do if it is done by me they think its easy they took it lightly and if it done by them they talk as if they did something so huge and will go on to talk like Ive never done it My dad has depression, and I think this makes him not listen sometimes (I know because I am also guilty of this sometimes). Since she is like this and seems to become defensive, I wonder what would help you to be able to more easily let go and accept that she is like that. Youre enough as you are. It is not like he acts this way to everybody, he is always overly eager to agree with others, but with me, he has to oppose. Its strange. Of course your brother is resisting change, because his situation is working for him at the moment. Thanks for sharing Romano. He said he wont try to make it work or listen because he doesnt want to! He asks me a question, I respond, while making eye contact 3 feet away, and hell just keep asking the question, or adding more onto it, as if I didnt respond at all. our marks were ok as we cheated on exams. The byproduct of that is often conflict. Well done to you both! I remember being 16 and confidently dismissing my fathers opinion that there were less perilous ways of cleaning the chain of my motorbike than by holding an oiled rag around it with one hand while releasing the clutch with the other. I am sorry to hear about your friend and I know well that place of wanting to help someone who does not yet seem ready for help. I can then try your approach to ask them an open ended question about if its courteous to call them back. One thought is to have a conversation with the friend about how much you miss them (like you shared above) while acknowledging that they have gone through challenging times. The best that can happen, is that you both learn something new. Perhaps the next time it happens, you could ask questions to find out more about the reason they are saying what they are saying. She CAN NOT let it go, find peace or move on. I asked him to get oats flakes from the shop which we have it at home. From what youve said, people seem to listen and focus on what you say at work, but this pattern doesnt cross over into other spaces. Sorry to hear that your communication issues are causing serious relationship problems. Id like to know how I can find out in what circumstances he is listening and refusing to comply or if it may be a working memory issue or inattentiveness. Sorry to hear about the situation with your boss. Even though I told them to set an alarm to remind themselves and purchased a weekly pill dispenser for them. It seems like they have not coped well in the situation and although dealing with things as best they can, it is still difficult for you. Additionally, have you ever considered seeking professional help to support you in developing strategies to navigate the situation? The female in the situation seems to understand once I visually show here a task several times, however while training her husband, whom speaks more fluent English often walks away from me when Im instructing him how to perform certain tasks hes requested help with, or even after showing him a task and asking if he understood he will say he does and show me he does but then refuse to do it again when the opportunity arises and asks for assistance. Is this something youll be able to talk to her about (in private)? We were getting along very well when I moved to his place, but he discovered I liked his place more than our home where my parents live he started leaving every work in the house for me to do if I try to resist to do the work, he usually threatens me that i will have to pack and go back home, Hi John, I should mention also that its been a year since they broke up, and over a year since her friend passed away and she still talks about it and cries about it or gets angry about it to this day, every time I speak with her. (We have been friends for 3yrs before we decided to get together). I try to make sure she is doing okay, always. I know it hurts my mom when him and I argue about these issues but honestly I feel she is part of the problem and I dont know whether or not to just clean my hands up with my brother and just give up and stay away. Im very scared now. The only other way I know people are listening is when Im at work and Im armed strangly people are very focused on what Im saying when Im holding a rifle. He wont help my mom for anything. Coach, More from Steanne | Health Coach, Strength & Cond. I try to talk it out but they wont listen or wont even let me talk to them. I wish I could have a cup of coffee with you right now and just help you through a tough moment! Help. This process has been tough and I remind myself that I (and they) are all doing the best we can. 15 years is impressive. *Source: Google Analytics Annual User Count, based on average performance for years 2017 to 2019. What is the gain or benefit for this person to stay stuck? Im so confused and tired of the arguments. There is no greater gift a person could give me than to truly hear me. and I dont think weve completely gotten over it yet but were working on it. we try to talk to her about something serious and she turns it around back on her. I do not understand why is he like that. It kept moving away as I approached hoping to remove the rope snagged by its horns. They hear everything told to them, retain the information but dont want to follow a suggestion or a command. My mom seems every conversation! @yorkshireot suggested, Seek first to understand, then be understood. It was a view echoed by @richardwnewton, who wrote, 1.Get to know the person & understand why 2. I cant put a foot right, despite being one of the senior people there. Why waste your time with a human being who is broken, stubborn, toxic or incapable of a relationship that matters? Maybe theyll see a someone getting harassed but look the other way, if someone taught them to stand up maybe they might save someones life. Have you ever considered comparing your body language, positioning, and distance while at work with those other spaces? Ive had already told my mother my plans and situation but I guess she didnt listen to me. Hi Maria, They miss all the other information and then go onto the attack. no shes not deaf she just doesnt want to see anyone elses point of view except her own. If i dont remind them to see if they will do it on their own, on many occasions they claim that they forgot. What Ive seen in similar cases in the past is that the overweight person is very good at manipulating those around them to do what they want them to do. Great article. Im afraid to tell our parents as my sister might snitch on me back. Does this stem from past relationships where men showed/explaned how to do something or what i should do & it never worked out that way? In stereotyping men, some can be guilty of this. Its not personal. He puts every excuse in the world and blames everybody and everything for the way he lives his life. If something as simple as colour can draw a divide among people and how they see things, imagine the multiple perspectives that come from peoples traditions, personal experiences, and free will to choose what they believe in (or not). What should I do? Yoland, Mind Tools Team. If you constantly feel unheard, its going to cause a lot of stress and tension. They apologize. I thought iam the problem guess i am a push over but u dont know how to solve these things i want them to respect me , listen to me , take me seriously.. Just getting it off my chest makes me feel better. I can identify! I told him that is problem is draining me. Where do such people come from? Explain in different way 3. I sincerely hope youll find the right help in your area. Until one of you were able to explain in a way, that the other could understand, whilst the other was able to adjust their outlook temporarily, to see where you were coming from. People dont like to hold or leave voice messages and my employees dont want to call them back. Someone posts about an unpopular opinion, and people will be so emotionally charged that they are triggered by a small, irrelevant and insignificant point that was written in the entire paragraph. You can use the search function (in the upper right hand corner with a magnifying glass icon) to see what comes up. It can be tough when you want to talk and the other person does not. She gets a little insulted when I do that, but there is no point in having a conversation with someone who is half listening, at bestthen gets angry with you when you become frustrated over their repeated nonchalant attitude regarding details they state conversations. This is essentially the world I grew up in, and it causes the person to want to seek people OUTSIDE OF FAMILY to talk to and make connections, and even THAT isnt exactly easy at times, because it seems that most people dont want to listen because they only care about themselves, which reverts back to hyper-selfishness, especially in our current generation. Additionally, do you have someone at your school that you can talk to like a guidance counsellor? My second situation is employment, Im the assistant manager for a store that has recently changed hands, the new owners have chosen to bring 2 relatives on board to help us out, they are a couple and both have strong language barriers that make it difficult to gauge whether they a) understand what I said and b) may not be able to communicate they do not. Do you think that explaining the importance and benefits of what you are doing with them might help to engage them? One thing I have had to learn in my life is to let go of my need to tell people what to do or what is best for them, in effect, trying to control them. Its purely frustrating when I say something concise and clearly and they come back with a non thought out answer thats contrary or down right inane to the topic. Community living is harmonious when each member is trying to show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. You might also consider seeking professional help to assist you both in communicating more effectively. I too find it irritating when people continue to chat while someone is presenting, like on a tour or an important presentation. I know this because sometimes shell ask me what? and when I dont answer, she responds to what I said. This is so frustrating. We have many resources on our website that deal with communication difficulties that you could get some ideas and strategies. Coach. I give advice he gets upset and starts his fighting which cause me to fight back and it just turns into an argument, and this happens a lot. He has a very defined routine as well so I feel like at some point he should be able to remember what weve said. She just let go of one problem. This person was supposedly lazy, and not doing their job, even though the rest of us could see that the work was being done properly (or else we couldnt work).